Parenthood is chock full of embarrassing moments. It's just part of the job description. Kids are confusing little unfiltered creatures who can't remember where they left their shoes or that they're supposed to brush their teeth before bed every night, but somehow remember that one time you called your sister "an obsessive control freak with weird taste in men" and they'll be the first to quote you to their aunt - verbatim.
What can you do but laugh? (And learn to be extra careful about what your kids are witnessing you say -oops.)
After giving birth to three boys and helping to raise two stepdaughters, believe me, I have plenty of examples of times that my kids left me red-faced and horrified. And often, it was completely unavoidable. There's nothing I could have done to really prevent the situation.
For example, not too long ago, right before we were all forced into the whole social-distancing thing, Chase and I traveled to Texas to visit his sister and meet her new baby. While we were there, we were all hanging out in the <carpeted> living room, chatting it up, when I noticed something on the floor across the room.
"Uh oh, I think the cat had an accident," I started to tell my sister-in-law.
My kid, looking cute AF and pretending to be innocent.
From where I was sitting, I couldn't tell whether it was cat puke of poop. Either way, I realized Bastian was dangerously close to the area and I didn't want him crawling through the mess. I scooped him up really quick, and that's when I realized it was definitely poop on the carpet. And it wasn't from the cat.
Let me add, this was less than 10 minutes after Bastian had knocked over a Coke - and I was worried about that staining her carpet. Ha. I whisked him to the bath tub to clean him up, profusely apologizing the whole time. My sister-in-law has two kids of her own and was totally chill about it all, but still. Yikes.
I find comfort in knowing I'm not alone. Some of our readers recently submitted stories of their own embarrassing moments with kids, and I thought it would be fun to share a few of them for solidarity's sake. Read on, cringe, and have a good laugh.
Tonight I leave ball practice with my little girl, and my husband and other 2 kids were at my dad's, so we stopped. We are standing there talking when I hear my oldest shout, "Mom! He's pooping in the yard!"
I look up and (two year old) is standing in the front yard, pants to his ankles, squatted to poop! With his butt facing the road for everyone to see!
Oh, I forgot to add that my dad lives across the street from one of the busiest gas stations in our little town! At least the guy he mooned while doing his business in my dad's front yard got a kick out of it and started laughing.
Submitted by Heather C.
Years ago when my stepdaughter was around three or four years old, we were out shopping when we bumped into an older lady from our church. This lady had recently lost a lot of weight, and since her face was less plump now, her wrinkles were a bit more noticeable. She bent down to eye-level to greet my stepdaughter, and my stepdaughter loudly asked, "WHY IS YOUR FACE SO OLD NOW?"
I quickly tried to recover by saying something lame to the effect of, "Yes, it IS kind of COLD."
Of course, my stepdaughter wasn't going to let that happen. She repeated - even louder - "NO, NO, I WANT TO KNOW WHY HER FACE IS OLD. I SAID OLD."
I don't think I ever made eye contact with that church lady ever again tbh.
Submitted by Anonymous
My oldest child had a speech delay, which was really quite endearing. I didn't take it into account when I chose my second child's name. Child #1 would tell anyone who asked that his little brother is named "Sex" (actually Seth). Sooo many weird looks.
(Unrelated) Years later, child #2 and I stopped by the supermarket on our way to school. He needed a class snack, and I needed some lady hygiene products. He was around 6 and going through a phase where he was obsessed with vampires and would act out dramatic scenes for no particular reason.
I'm trying to find my favorite brand of ultrathin pads with wings, and my tagalong mini-Dracula won't stop "acting" out his imaginary dramatized death-throws, saying he's starving and needs blood.
FFS. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Submitted by Anonymous
I'm walking the dog with my 5 yr old and we notice our neighbor has gotten her skirt stuck in the car door. We hurry over to help and after relieving her of her groceries, she frees herself and thanks us.
My daughter then says, "Mommy, remember that day it was so windy and your skirt blew up at school. You weren't wearing any panties."
Submitted by Brittany S.
We were standing in line for the last presidential election... My son, who was 4 at the time, was fidgeting with his pants. When I asked him what was up, he explained loudly about how his penis was growing. Very loudly.
Submitted by @mama_with_the_loud_cubs
My younger brother was a preemie and had a lot of serious health issues early on, so he was two years old (and still pretty tiny for his age) before he was dedicated at our church. My dad and stepmom were on stage in front of the whole congregation, holding him between the two of him, while the pastor spoke. Eventually, the preacher turned to my parents and asked if they had anything they wanted to add to the ceremony.
Being cute, he then asked asked my brother if he had anything he wanted to say. My little brother- who looked way too little to be able to speak so clearly- leaned forward and spoke directly into the mic. "Your teeth are really yellow," he said to the pastor... and the whole congregation. My stepmom laughed, making matters worse.
Submitted by Jennifer Scott Pickett (that's me! My stepmom passed away a few years ago, but this was one of her favorite stories, so I feel the need to share it in her honor.)
So our daughter, who was two at the time, was visiting the dentist. We were in the waiting room. She let out the biggest fart. Embarrassing enough, but then she announced to everyone she farted. Let me add, first time at this dentist.
Submitted by Anonymous
If you have an embarrassing moment you'd like to share and have published on the blog, please email us at email@example.com or DM us on one of our social media platforms.
Jennifer Scott Pickett is a freelance writer for hire who specializes in parenting and lifestyle content. She is half of the comedy duo that makes up Salty Mermaid Entertainment based in Atlanta, GA. In her free time - Wait. She's a mom of three. She doesn't have any free time. Learn more by clicking here.