Every Mom Should Read This


Mom guilt is real - and it's usually uncalled for. While being a mother may make you feel superhuman at times, you are indeed only a mortal. You have feelings and imperfections and goals and dreams and basic human needs, just like everyone else.

I think the biggest mistake we make is we wait for someone else to notice and come to our rescue, instead of asking - or demanding - help when we need it. We imprison ourselves when we don't embrace our own rights as individuals outside of the role of motherhood.

Whether you're a stay-at-home-mom, you work outside of the home or work from home (it's supposed to be the best of both worlds, but that shit is hard - it's all hard), here is what you need to remember:

You have the right to seek silence - even if means hiding in the bathroom to get a break from the big kids or putting your baby down somewhere safe, like in a crib, so you can walk away from the crying for two minutes. Noise is a type of psychological warfare. It does serious damage to your brain. You're allowed (and encouraged!) to take a few moments to clear your head, to recenter yourself. Step away, do some breathing exercises or a quick meditation - or hell, eat some chocolate and play a game on your phone. Trust me, just five minutes of peace and quiet can make a world of difference.

Anything you say (or do) can and will be used against you by judgmental strangers on the Internet - or, worse, by people you know and love. It is not possible to make everyone like you or agree with your choices. As an avid approval-seeker, I know that's a hard pill to swallow. But there's a lot of freedom in realizing that because you'll never make everyone happy (and btw, you're not responsible for anyone else's happiness anyway), you might as well just do what feels right to you. You just have to learn to accept the fact that not everyone will agree with you and that's okay. Most of the time, it's not personal, even if it feels like it is.

If you do not have someone who will volunteer to give you a break, appoint someone to take care of the kids. You have the right to a steamy shower, to eat hot food, to go to the store alone, to have drinks with friends, and to read a book without a baby crawling on top of your head. Speak up. Talk to your husband/partner/parent/friends. If there's not a way for one of those people to step up and help with the kids, hire a sitter or look into a part-time childcare facility for once or twice a week. And for fuck's sake don't feel bad about it. It's an investment in your sanity - which benefits everyone in your family tbh.

Another great option is to join a local mom group (thank you Facebook for making that insanely easy). Going on a play date will keep your kids busy and give you the chance to interact with other adults, and that alone can be enough sometimes. Plus, if you hit it off with someone, you can switch off babysitting for each other in the future.

Do you understand the rights I just wrote for you? With these rights in mind, do what makes you happy, mama. Don't wait for someone else to take care of you. Be your own defendant.

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